Overwhelmed

Ok, I don't usually rant, complain, vent, or whatever, online or in person. And hopefully this won't really turn into any of those things - hopefully it will stay a good, healthy "get some things off your chest" deal.

We'll see.

I have just been a little overwhelmed lately. Inside. Feeling...not really like a failure, but like things could (and should) be better. Doubting myself and some of the things I have always thought about myself. It's a bit humbling to look at yourself and realize that at 27, you really aren't sure who you are. I have spent a good part of my life trying to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. Now, I am struggling to figure out who I really am underneath all of that. I am realizing I just want to be the person God intended for me to be in the first place. The person who is being the best Christian, wife, and mother I can be, relying on God's Word and His Spirit to guide me in my decisions, and really listening to what He is saying. Choosing the path He is leading me toward, not necessarily the one I think will make me happiest or be the easiest.

For me, that starts with (after following God and being a Christian, of course) being a wife and mother. That's what my life is all about. I am an intelligent person. I have no doubt that I could have pursued any career I set out after, and still could. Throughout my life, I went back and forth over what I wanted to be when I grew up. A singer, a doctor or nurse, a teacher, a paralegal (which is what I ended up getting an AAS in, just bc it was easy). But through it all, I always knew deep down that I wanted to be a wife and mommy. In some of my studying lately, I have been thinking about what that means. Maybe not always what I thought it did. Much more studying and praying and discussing with Jeremy exactly where this is leading me, leading us. Probably more posting on it later.

Again, we'll see.

For now, I have priorities. To keep studying and praying to see what God has to say on what I need to be doing. To make my home a safe, happy haven for Jeremy and our children. To be there for Jeremy and be his helpmeet, no matter what role he is needing me to fill at the time, from listening to serving to dragging tree limbs out of the yard because he cut down one of our trees yesterday. ;) To be a loving moma to my kiddos, raising them in God, teaching them what they will need to know to live in this world, but not follow in its sinful ways. To just be a good Christian in general.